Mental health jokes Jokes Funny Mental health jokes Jokes

Aardvark - Accountant - Answer me this - Ant - Apple - Aviation - Baby - Banana - Bar jokes, beer, booze! Barbie doll - Bath - Beauty - Bed - Bicycle - Biologist - Bird - Birthday - Blind - Blonde - Book title - Brother and sister - Burger - Bus - Business - Cannibal - Car and train - Cat - Children - Christmas - Clinton - College - Computer - Cow - Cowboy - Criminal - Dance - Dead and dying - Dentist - Dinosaur - Dirty - Divorce - Doctor and nurse - Dog - Easter - Elephant - E-mail - Email joke to a friend! Ethnic - Face - Farmer - Firefighter - Fishing - Food - Frog - Funny - 50 best - Ghost - Gorilla - Hair and bald - Halloween - Heaven & hell - History - Horse - Humor - Hunting - Idiot and fool - Insect - Internet - Journalist - Judge - King Kong - Knock Knock - Lawyer - Letter - Lotto - Marriage - Men - Mental health - Military - Money - Monster - Mouse - Movie and TV - Music - Old age - Parent - Pig - Police - Political - Rabbit - Random joke day Religious - Restaurant - Salesmen - School - Snake - Snowman - Space - Spelling - Sport - Teeth - Telephone - Time - Travel & tourist - Vampire - Various animal - Waiter - Weather - Witch - Women - Yo momma - Zodiac - Zoo jokes

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrelBecause from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel? Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

What do you know when you see from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!

Doctor Doctor I think Im going crazy from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear. Amazing ! so you have. How could that have happened ? I can't understand it either, because I planted cabbage !

A woman entered a psychiatrists consulting room from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo."I'm worried about my husband, doctor, " she said. "He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! "

Did you hear about the auto mechanic from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?

Patient Why did you charge me a from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate? Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.

Fred Why are you so upset Harry from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Fred: "Why are you so upset?" Harry: "My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning." Fred: "So what?" Harry: "So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'."

The trouble is said the entertainer to from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
"The trouble is," said the entertainer to the psychiatrist, "that I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't tell jokes, I can't act, I can't play an instrument or juggle or do magic tricks or do anything!" "Then why don't you give up show business?" "I can't - I'm a star!"

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic? He charges you double.

Psychiatrist Well whats your problem Patient I from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Psychiatrist: Well, what's your problem? Patient: I prefer brown shoes to black shoes. Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself. Patient: Really? How do your like yours - fried or boiled?

Why did the witch go to the from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her.

A guy had been feeling down for from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

The psychology instructor had just finished a from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

A man walked into a therapists office from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the docotor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've e njoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." "So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. "Elation," said she. "And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?" The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

A group of psychiatrists were attending a from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed. The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want." The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me." The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't kee p a secret..."

A doctor of psychology was doing his from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

A guy goes to a psychiatrist Doc from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."

My therapist told me the way to from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Mary was having a tough day and from Flashcomment Mental health jokes Jokes
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."